The Anti-Valentine’s Day Event Guide 2016: Witches, Bawds and Babes

Posted on February 11, 2016, 12:32 pm
4 mins


We don’t want to indulge in snark at the expense of everyone who actually enjoys Valentine’s Day. Some of us at Vanguard Seattle look forward to any special occasion, no matter how many times we are told it’s a consumeristic sham invented by greeting card companies. Part of the fun of overblown holiday festivities is finding a way to make it individual and special in spite of the hype and stereotypes, right?

(Stereotypes now include the haters, by the way.)

But some years you’re just not feeling it. Valentine’s Day falls on Sunday, a school night, and if you are single or too early into a relationship, it can put an awkward pressure on you.

Embrace the awkwardness. Here are three events that are not the usual candlelit dinner for singles (and couples) who want a slightly different Valentine’s Day.

Have A Date with John Waters

Seattle Theatre Group hosts everyone’s favorite camp provocateur, John Waters, for a night of delightful dishing at The Neptune Theatre (1303 Northeast 45th Street). Super fans can spring for Divine VIP Tickets ($100 a head) and participate in a pre-show meet and greet. General admission is $36 for advance tickets. The show is all ages (and there is a bar with ID) so you can even bring the kids!

As if Waters needed further introduction:

John Waters is famed the world over for his trash epics including “Pink Flamingos”, “Female Trouble” and “Hairspray”. “This Filthy World” is Waters’ rapid-fire one-man spoken word vaudevillean act that celebrates the film career and joyously appalling taste of the man William Burroughs once called “The Pope of Trash”. The show focuses on Waters early negative artistic influences, his fascination with true crime, exploitation films, fashion lunacy, the extremes of the art world, Catholicism, sexual deviancy and a love of reading.

Doors at 7 PM. Show at 8 PM. Buy tickets online.

Lose Your Wits With The Witch

Horror fans may be inclined to sit at home and watch one of the many Valentine’s themed slasher flicks this year. They’ll be missing out. One of the most anticipated horror flicks of the year is The Witch, opening later this month. I am not even a horror fan, and I am thoroughly intrigued by this atmospheric period piece that pits a devout colonial against a bloodthirsty hag at the edge of the early American wilderness. And on Valentine’s Day, you can see a sneak preview with the director, Robert Eggers, at SIFF Cinema Uptown.

The best part is…it’s free. Technically. On February 12 and 13, SIFF presents its Witches Brew film Series, including Rosemary’s Baby, The Craft, Witchfinder General and—my personal favorite of the batch—The Devils. Attendees at these films get a pass to the special preview on Sunday, so plan for a weekend of supernatural mayhem.

Check out the official trailer of The Witch.

Have a Blast with the Atomic Bombshells

Have some eye candy to go with those chocolates you couldn’t resist on your way through the grocery store. The Atomic Bombshells are back from a whirlwind tour for a full weekend of babalicious burlesque at The Triple Door. Perfect for a group of singles (or couples who enjoy the vintage eroticism), the group’s show J’Adore will take the saccharine, overwrought, pink-and-red tropes that ordinarily just wash over us and turn them into a smart, dazzlingly choreographed paean to love, lust and rhinestones.

The shows start Thursday, February 11 and last through Valentine’s Day, with two shows each night. See the website for tickets and seating times.

T.s. Flock is a writer and arts critic based in Seattle and co-founder of Vanguard Seattle.